It Was a Great Big Beautiful Summer (Alternative Title: My Mind is a Scary Place)

We are back after our summer hiatus!  

Here are the links to the other fabulous blogs:

Merryland Girl           

Froggie 

Moma Rock

            Froggie chose this week’s topic:  My summer.

            It’s weird thinking about summer in the past tense given that today’s high hovered around 95 with comparable humidity.  But my kids have been in school long enough to have already generated Progress Reports, and the days are getting shorter and the morning lows are sometimes dipping down low enough to require me to wear a sweatshirt when I walk the 10 to the bus, so I suppose summer is, indeed, waning.

           

            We had a somewhat eventful summer in that we took a few trips, which is unusual for us.  Most of the summer was more mundane.  We went to the pool.  We attended neighborhood parties and played Pokemon Go at the mall.  We lazed in the 100-degree, 100-percent humidity weather.  (I say “we,” of course, because during the summer, I am completely attached to the children, as I have yet to find a summer camp that (a) works for them both and (b) lasts longer than a week.)

            I could list out each and every “thing” we did, but I tend to try to write this blog so that no one wants to poke out his or her eyes with a pen.  So, instead, I’ve decided to write about one specific event:  our family trip to Disney World.  More specifically, I’m going to write about what I learned about myself and others at the Happiest Place on Earth.  Yes, some people see the House of the Mouse as a vacation destination, but I?  See it as an education.

            I learned a great deal during those three days.  These lessons include, in no particular order:

(1)            I?  Am not a Disney person.  I mean, Disney World was fun, and I enjoyed taking the trip, but I will never never not ever be one of those people who arrives home from a Disney trip just in time to immediately begin planning my next Disney trip.  I will never order matching T-shirts for my family or schedule a meal with a character or freak out because the Electrical Parade is ending. 

(2)            I will, however, wait in a very long line four separate times to ride the Haunted Mansion.

(3)            My children are not Disney children.  In fact, I learned that the 10 and the 12 have seen maybe two princess movies.  And they both hated one of them.  They do, however, like Jack Skellington.  I take full credit for this.

(4)            The line for Space Mountain is long enough so as to provide oodles of time to catch up with an old friend who drove down from Jacksonville to see you for the first time in more than 20 years and to meet your family.  (Thanks, Tommy!)

(5)            The shrimp and grits at the Coral Reef restaurant are TO DIE FOR.

(6)            Fake France has decent restrooms; I discovered this after the shrimp and grits almost killed me.

(7)            The friendliest country in Epcot is Fake Italy.  I know this because we went to Epcot on the day that one tropical storm came ashore, so we spent a great deal of time browsing in the countries.  I’m not just saying this because I am ethnically half Italian and these are my people; even my non-Italian husband acknowledged that the Italians were the most welcoming and the easiest to talk to.  They didn’t mind the wet, tired guests sitting on the floor, dripping water.  They also smelled the best (they sell real Italian cologne in Fake Italy).

(8)            Having said that, I would rather go to real Italy than return to Fake Italy.

(9)            I would find it super interesting to be an attorney for Disney.  I would especially enjoy working as a premises liability attorney for the company, dealing with all of the weird and different ways people injure themselves on the grounds.  I thought about this while at Disney, which sadly just so happened to be a few days before the tragic death of the little boy who was nabbed by the alligator.  My heart broke for that family.  Yet, I found myself wanting to read that settlement agreement and imagining the meetings where they talked about what lawyers call “subsequent remedial measures,” which means new signs, etc., put into place after the incident.  You might want to dress as Belle, but I want to defend The Beast in a court of law. 

(10)            Indeed, during that whole trip, I realized the law is never far from my mind.  For example, during the castle light show, when Tinkerbell flies down that cord, my first thought was, “Damn, I bet Disney has really good liability insurance.”

(11)            I may or may not have actually looked up Disney’s insurance carrier when I got home.  (You know, while everyone else was planning their next trips to Disney.)

(12)            I found it amusing that I wasn’t the only rider trying to kick the virtual canoeing people in the head on Soarin’.

(13)            Disney employees do not find it amusing when you ask whether Walt really froze his head.

(14)            Said employees are equally unamused when you mention you don’t like Cinderella because she was too much of a victim.

(15)            The dude in the Carousel of Progress looks exactly like Charles Grodin.  But creepier.  Because his lips don’t match what he’s saying.  Trust me, I stared at them all THREE times we sat through this.  (I would complain more, but it was air-conditioned and I actually took cat naps during all three rides.) 

(16)            You will be unable to get the song from the Carousel of Progress out of your head.  EVER.  (Three months and counting.)  It’s worse than It’s a Small World.

(17)            Also, progress – at least the way Disney sees it – appears to have ceased in the 1990s.

(18)            I would rather sit through a professional football game in the ice and snow than take a young child (infant/toddler) to Disney. 

(19)            Speaking of which, did you REALLY think your toddler wouldn’t be scared in the Haunted Mansion?  Really?  Because the rest of us saw it coming a mile of way (also known as, “at the end of the line.”)

(20)            Dole Whips are gross.  (Sorry, Karen!)

(21)            While others saw the sign for Zanzibar in the Magic Kingdom and thought, “Aladdin!” I saw the sign for Zanzibar and thought, “Freddie Mercury was born there!”

            Yeah . . . it ain’t easy being me.  Happy fall!