Love, Me

I’m super excited to have been invited to join a blog group alongside three talented bloggers.  Each week, one of us chooses a topic and we all post a blog entry on that topic, usually on Thursdays.   

Here are the links to the other fabulous blogs:

Merryland Girl

Froggie

Moma Rock

This week’s topic came from Merryland Girl, who asked everyone to do one of the following:  

1. Write a letter to yourself in 10 years from now.

2. Write a letter to yourself from 10 years ago.

3. Write a letter to your current self FROM yourself from 10 years ago. 

Here’s my take:

I chose No. 2, writing a letter to my ten-years-ago-self, mostly because I’d like to think I’ve learned some things in the past decade.  On its face, my then-life wasn’t so different from my now-life.  I was a mom (of two kids, not three).  I was a lawyer (employed then, not now).  I lived in a different city – Chicago – but it was like eight miles away from here and I owned a house and a car and a cat (um, okay, now I have three cats.  Whatever.). 

But the past ten years have included many changes and life events that aren’t obvious on the surface, and those changes – those events – have, indeed, changed who I am and how I see my little world.  And, so, to my ten-years’-younger self, I advise the following:

(1)  Make your plans in pencil because they’re gonna change.  I stole this quote from Jon Bon Jovi, not because he said it, but because it’s oh, so true.  Ten years ago, I could have sat down and written a ten-year plan, and I’d have ended up re-writing it after about a year . . .  and then again after another year . . . and so on, and so on.  I can dream and I can plan, and then life can come along and – whap! – change everything.  Priorities shift, and what once seemed important suddenly isn’t.  Be flexible, old self.  It will come in handy. 

(2)  Expect the unexpected.  This is a corollary to Number 1.  Self, you simply cannot plan for everything, and life includes a variety of surprises, both good and bad.  You can’t possibly predict them, but you can be open to them.  I used to love to play the “if anyone would have told me a year ago that [fill in the blanks], I wouldn’t have believed them.”  Well, self, believe it.

(3)  Take it day by day.  I am wired to be anxious, a natural-born worrier.  In the past, I worried long in advance, sometimes weeks or even months.  Not anymore.  A series of events in the past decade have taught me to prioritize.  I may have something major to deal with in, say, August, but I’ve learned that I first need to get through January, February, March, etc.  I’ve gotten so good at this one that if I can limit my worrying to the day before.  We’ve made progress, old self!

(4)  You’re pretty (or skinny, or smart) enough.  Oh, old self.  I wasn’t always easy on you.  I almost looked for flaws – and I felt I didn’t have to look very far.  But in the past decade, two people (men, believe it or not) helped me ease up on us.  Years ago, when I’d been complaining about having had gained some weight and feeling fat, a male friend said, “When you weighed less, did you feel thin?”  My answer, sadly, was no.  I’d never felt thin, even when I’d actually been thin.  Fast forward to just last year, when I posted a photo of 1993 me on Facebook.  A friend of a friend I’d tagged commented on the photo and said I looked beautiful (I don’t know this person at all).  His words stopped me in my tracks because, of course, at the time the photo was taken, I sure didn’t think I looked all that great.  But, then, I never do.  So, self, go easy on us.  We’re not so bad.

(5)  Stay in the moment.  This one has always been a struggle, self.  I’ve always spent too much time thinking about one thing while actually doing another, or planning for this other thing instead of actually enjoying what was right in front of me at that time.  Suddenly, ten years fly by and you can’t re-live any of it.  We have a kid in college, for God’s sake, self!  As they say, the days are long, but the years are short.  Learn to focus, to enjoy what is right before your eyes.

(6)  Cut yourself some slack.  I know this comes as no surprise, but we’re fairly Type A, self, and although this has served us well in some ways, it’s been a curse in others.  We’re hard on ourself, self.  On occasion, we’ve expected more from ourself than we have from others – more than what was reasonable or even possible given the situation.  Remind yourself that perfection is the enemy of the good.  Sometimes, good enough really is good enough, self.

(7)  You are stronger than you know.  I won’t lie, self:  the next decade is going to kick your ass in many, many ways.  You won’t expect them, you won’t be prepared for them, you won’t like them, but you will survive them.  You will find yourself saying, more than once, "I can’t do this."  And you will be wrong.  

(8)  Let it go.  Oh, we hang on to things, don’t we, self?  Past wrongs, old mistakes, missed opportunities.  We’ve lost sleep re-playing scenes in our head.  And for what?  We could have been watching Amish Mafia with all that free time!  What’s done is done.  Over the past ten years, I’ve learned that I can’t change the past.  I can only go forward. 

And so, self, go forward. You will get from there to here, and, really, it’s not too bad.  Enjoy the journey and take care of yourself along the way – for our sake.