Random Look Inside My Brain #1

                Me (flipping through channel guide):  Nothing on, nothing on, nothing on – Oooh!  One-hour “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” season finale!  Awesome!

Pause.

Me:  What the hell is wrong with me? 

Cut to fifty-five minutes later:

Me:  Please, please, please show Bruce’s new haircut!!  And his piercings!  I wonder if Kris and the girls will like his hair?!?!

Pause.

Me:  Really, what the hell is wrong with me??

Two minutes later:

Me:  What is Khloe wearing on her head?  Does she believe she is a princess or is that her Halloween costume?  Wait, why are the credits rolling?  Is it over?  It can’t be over!!

Brief pause.

Me:  For the love of all that is holy, what is wrong with me?!?!

Pause.  Grab for remote and quickly hit the channel guide.

Me:  Damn, I can’t believe they’re not rebroadcasting this episode tonight.  I wonder if “Real Housewives” is on.

Ode to Dr. Drew

O, Dr. Drew Pinsky, with your white hair

And cool dark-rimmed rectangular glasses

Always toiling to save C-list celebs

From drugs that make them act like big asses

Your smooth affect and crisp ties calm my soul

As you cure Tom Sizemore and Heidi Fleiss

Your endless patience wavers not when forced

To treat Shifty and Jeff Conaway twice

Shall Pasadena ever again know

Such saintly works by a star therapist

Who was on “Loveline” and fathered triplets

And who is a self-proclaimed narcissist?

O how I heart you, dear Dr. Pinsky

Who else on earth could save Rod Stewart’s son?

You’re the reason I pay more for cable

For a line-up that includes VH1